Are you unlucky at love or just plain stupid? L7 have designated Dee (the only happily married member of L7) the love lorn responsibilities. She's got all the answers (yeah, right). Need advice on how to catch him or her? From perfume and tight pants to smouldering shit bags left burning on the porch, L7's got your love questions answered right here baby. Email in and Dee will reply. (This is an email service only).
Answers to some of Dee's favorite letters:
Subject:
From: Dan475689
Hey Dee I was just wondering - are any of your bandmates single (preferably Suzi or Donita?)
Your devoted fan
Danny from New England
Dear Danny from New England,
Well, Suzi's taken….However, Donita is another story. She was all lined up to be the bachelorette on the next season of that Monica Lewinsky-guys with masks-in the hot tub-reality show. Unfortunately it was cancelled. Now I'm pitching a pilot to Fox TV called "Who Wants to Marry My Sloppy Bandmate?" Check your local listings.
Subject:I'm bi
From: kurt van delfsen
Hi dee,
I'm 16 and I've just found out that I'm bisexual, nobody knows it yet not even my parents. I don't know how to come out, 'cause I don't know how my friends will react. I'm almost sure that a few people of the junks I hang out with would want to hit me (they're very conservative and small minded I don't like them but some of my real friends hang out with them and they only hang out with me because I sometimes bring weed with me the same reason I hang out with them). I'm pretty sure my real friends will react positive (do you know why woman respond better to homo or bisexuality then man, it's so strange) but still I'm afraid I'll get beaten up or something. Can you help me how could I say it the best when they're all completely stoned or something????????? HELP
Love ya
Kurt
Dear Kurt,
For God's sake, don't come out yet! You're only 16; wait till your older and better equipped to handle the abuse. "Bi" the way, it has been my experience that guys who say they're "bi" are actually….well, you know. I could be wrong, but I think the only bush you'll be beating around is your sexual orientation. Good luck sweetie.
Subject:???
From: Fox Scully
Dear Dee,
go fuck yourself if I may say so... This LOVE ADVICE thin; is obviously designed for your personal entertainment. I know you will destroy this mail instantly, I know too it will not make it on your pages, partialy 'cause it's not a 'love problem-thing'. I'm from far-away shitty country called Serbia, and it's kinda nice here if every other country leaves us alone, witch they aren't going to do. Anyhow, you wouldn't believe what kind of music people are listening here, it's pure Turkey-shit... But, still there are small number of us who know what's right. BTW, I don't know anyone here who knows about you girls, but I find about you when you did a song with Prodigy (Your version was better). Now, this is it, for now, but I suggest you start changeing your way of giving advices, or... I don't what. You could upset couple of characters, witch isn't so bad, I just say it... Bye!!!
Dear angry Serbian,
I get that you don't have a love problem. Thanks for your suggestion, but I'll get my entertainment where I damn well please. Keep enjoying my love advice thin.
Subject:Love advice
From: Angel Face
Hey Dee,
Ok to the problem, been seeing a guy for several years now (he's got everything, good job and a huge dick and he loves you girls after i took him to see you at the Garage in London 2000), (I'm 25 and he's 26), But I've been messin around with this really horny guy i used to work with years ago, never did anything then until we met last year, instant attraction! and we ended up shaggin like rabbits. He's gone away for a few months and I'm left here unsure of what to do, i don't even know if he's going to want me when he comes back. Do i wait for horny guy and carry on as he's a bit on the side or do i stick it out with long term guy? (the long standing guy has asked me to marry him)
Dam men, maybe i should date women instead.....
Angel
UK London.
Dear Angel (?),
Your name is a misnomer. If you don't wise up you may end up on an episode of "Cheaters". Do you have that television show in the U.K.?
Subject:Dee, I desperately need your advice
From:Gretelstardust
Dear Dee,
My girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me a couple of months ago but we still live together because I didn't have enough money to move out and she didn't have enough money to live on her own. I was sure we'd get back together since last year when we broke up, we ended up living together again. The problem is that she has now met another girl and this very minute as I write this, she is spending the weekend at this new girl's place. Needless to say, I feel incredibly devastated and feel like I'll never ever fall in love again. I had many meaningless relationships prior to meeting her so I'd even venture to say that this was my first "true" love. I also feel like a loser because not only does the person I care about more than anything not want me anymore, but I moved here to Los Angeles with her, spent all my waking hours with her only, and now, a year after being in L.A., I feel alone with no friends (all my friends are in my hometown).
After all this babbling, I just want to ask if you've ever been in a situation like this and if it gets better? I feel like if she asked me back tonight, I'd go back to her. But how long does it take to get over someone you feel still so deeply in love with?
Please tell me it will all be okay
Sincerely,
A girl who loves L7 and even played 'groupie' driving from seattle to portland and back again to see your seattle and portland shows in 2000 (this was when i lived in seattle - blechhh disgusting, i was born and raised in CA and should have known better than to move to that god forsaken hole).
Dear girl who loves L7,
You're doomed. If I were you I'd save up my money for "first month, last month, and security deposit".
Subject:Dee's love advice
From: Tamara Limpus
hey Dee,
I'm having this slight relationship dilemma and have exhausted my friends so now i need some outsider advice. I live in Australia but i have a b/f in the US who i haven't seen for months since i had to move home due to money issues. We have maintained a long distance relationship, but i still have my backpacker fetish. My town gets lots of international backpackers through it and they all party where i party and i often hook up. However now i think i'm pregnant to one, who i don't even know his last name or will ever see him again. I don't know exactly how to explain this to my b/f when i see him a next month. What's your advice.....?
desperate aussie
Tamza
Dear Tamza,
You're fucked-literally. Why are you slumming it with backpackers? Do you at least know the nationality of the father of your granola eating fetus? You'll have a lot of explaining to do Stateside. Good luck.
Subject:I really really need your love advice
From: Sahara Manson
dear dee,
well, i am a 21 yr old lesbian who lives in a small hole in the middle of nowhere, and am madly in love with this chick i have known for a few yrs. problem is, she lives a little far away, we only get to speak, and see each other occasionally, oh, and she has no idea i have this huge crush on her, and even that i am gay for that matter. I just don't know what to do, and it is driving me crazy having this girl on my mind constantly, and being too much of a fucking wuss to actually do anything about it. And the most tempting thing to do is to tell her while we are both under the influence of some mind altering chemicals, but i know this would not be the wisest thing to do. Anyway, hopefully you get the picture, please, please, please help me, i am driving myself crazy!!!!!!!!!
Dear Sahara,
Stay away from dropping this bomb on hallucinogenics. Dr. Dee recommends two cocktails and a long distance phone call.
